English

Every color starts

As a daydream pass by us

Without its warning

Secret

23/02/16

Dear diary,

I am confused. I don't even know who I am anymore. What would my parents think of me? What would my Friends say? Would they still be my Friends if they knew…? If they knew that I'm in love with a boy. Couldn't help myself, I have never felt this way for anyone, and I tried to ignore it, but then… when he kissed me… When he kissed me I realized that it wasn't a mistake, it wasn't a simple confusion, and it took weeks to admit it to myself but now that I did, there is another obstacle, I can´t do this alone, but I don't know who to tell this to, and how will they react…

Tom.

24/02/16

Dear diary,

Today I spoke to Charlie, they guy I kissed, the guy that kissed me. When I stood in front of him, when he saw me, I swear my intentions were to end it, but somehow I kissed him again, and it felt like breathing again, all my thoughts and problems suddenly were solved and I was safe. He told me he felt the same way, and that his parents knew it, that they support him.

I'm gonna tell my parents today.

I'm gonna tell them I'm gay.

Tom

25/02/16

Dear diary,

They did not take it nicely, my mother cried and my father was just… embarrassed, as soon as I ended speaking  he stood up and went away. My mom asked me to reconsider my ideas, to go and speak with Charlie, to end it. How can she ask me that? Didn't I tell her I felt happy with him? And why did my father run away from it? Shouldn't  they be  the ones that give me support and encouragement? Guess not.

Tom

26/02/16

Dear diary,

A day has passed and neither my mother or father have spoken to me. I have been in my room the entire time, it's my punishment, because I didn't want to end things with Charlie, apparently they believe that if I spend time alone I will feel differently, that my sexuality will be abruptly changed. It won't. I know it because I have spent more than 16 years feeling this way and it won't go away. I'm so sad, like heartbroken. If they love me, why would they locked me in here? and why would they ignore my true feelings.

Depressed and lonely.

Tom